Curious Star

(Really, this photo has nothing to do with this post, but isn’t she beautiful?)

I telephoned a friend yesterday. We’d been trying to connect via email, neither of us doing a good job of it.   “I’m so glad you called!” my friend said in greeting.  She’d been just about to write an email, but had hesitated, unsure of how to put into words another piece of the conversation we’d been having for some time.  “I just can’t write it down.  Like writers get writer’s block, I get expression block.”

We both laughed.  But that’s it, right? It’s not really writer’s block. Any of us can write words: putting random words on paper is not all that hard to do.  The problem comes from trying to express what it is you mean to say; it is in the difficulty of expressing in words something that words can only point to, the difficulty of saying that thing that you know but that can’t really be spoken.

Which is where I’ve been lately.

All’s quiet on the blog, as I turn inward, unable to formulate the “write” words that would convey the inner imagery. It is the realm of feeling and sensation and awareness rather than interpretation.  Inward, as opposed to outward. Watching the ebb and flow of life as thoughts and actions and moments arise and fall away and arise again.

(An interesting side note – my last post, nearly 6 weeks ago, was about escaping into the moment, into river-mind, a vacation from meaning and interpretation.  Apparently I took it to heart.)

At any rate, I am here ~ thinking again of returning to this blog, and to other writing projects. I am aware of impending change, watching and wondering and waiting.  Yes, I am in the waiting.

What’s next? – she asks, over and over again, as she takes another step forward into the unknown.

~~

A Contemplative Poem

A mark
left upon the world:
Your Presence.

Is it fate
that hands us this moment
wrapped up like a gift?

And why,
i wonder, here and now…
like this?

It’s not
what I expected
but then, perhaps

i never had a vision
of what this life is,
or should be.

How much
can we create consciously
in this life

and how much
is left up to the karma
of lifetimes?

fires creek, NC

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